You got trouble's? I got them too!
Hello again :) how are we all?
If you are lucky enough to have never had to experience anxiety (which I find highly unlikely because everyone has experienced it in some way or another) it is probably something you find hard to understand. Today at work I was having a discussion with a friend. We began to talk about anxiety and I talked about what usually happens when I have a panic attack. At one point during the conversation I was asked the one question that annoys me more than anything else...''can you not just calm down?''... Quite frankly if it was this simple NO ONE would have to suffer panic attacks/anxiety. No...I cant just 'calm' down. I know nothing was meant by it, but the more I get asked...the more it gets on my nerves. So I would like to just go over how my anxiety evolved, if it serves nothing more than just a therapy session for myself then let it be, but hopefully someone out there might have experienced the same kind of feelings that I have and it might help someone to not feel so alone.
When I first travelled I was 7. I remember packing my bag to take on the plane with me, remembering to pack my Walkman and my favourite cassettes, my trusty teddy bear and my blanket. I remember the feeling I got when I first saw the plane and how excited I was. I remember sitting in my seat and the air hostess talking to me about how exciting it was that this was my first flight and how much hotter it was in Spain than in rainy England. I was so excited! I remember putting on my seat belt and starting to feel a little bit funny. The pilot started talking to all of the passengers about how we were now not able to move until the seat belt sign turned off. The funny feeling now started to move all over my body. It was like I could feel all the blood in my body moving, my hands started shaking, I couldn't catch my breath, I started sweating and before I knew it, I was having my first panic attack. Luckily for me, my parents, and all of the other passengers on the plane It didn't last very long. It was awful and I remember feeling so embarrassed. My mum and dad just kept tight hold of my hands, my lovely air hostess friend that I had made earlier brought me some yummy sweets and a glass of water, and soon enough I had calmed down. But the worry of now having another one was stuck in my head.
After this it was a couple of years before I had another panic attack but this is where it had all stemmed from. As I got older I unfortunately began to have more and more panic attacks. Whether it be in a crowded shopping centre or dinner with my family, the attacks got more severe and more frequent. No matter what I did, I couldn't get them to stop.
When I was 20 I lost my Nan. It was a really hard time in my life, understandably, and for a while it made my anxiety even worse, but one day I sat down and had a talk (in private, not just out in the open like a crazy lady) with myself. I realised that life is too short and I need to help myself. I had a very independent woman moment!! I came to the conclusion that I was not going to carry on living my life in fear of having these panic attacks. It had stopped me from going out, going to new places, making new friends, and I was not going to let this happen anymore. I thought long and hard about where it had stemmed from. I remembered the story of my first flight. I remembered that before this I had never had these feelings before and I wondered what had happened on the plane to trigger these feelings. After much deliberation I had come to the conclusion that it was the feeling of being trapped that set everything in motion. I then thought about all the times I had ever had a panic attack and a pretty obvious link became clear. I would always have panic attacks in a situation or place that I had felt I couldn't get out of immediately. From this moment on I started to try and think of how to break this habit. This would be the best advice I could give to anyone. Think long and hard about the moment it all started. What caused it? Where were you? Does that link in with how your anxiety always starts? Once you do this you can figure out a way to help it.
I started to force myself in to busy social situations even if it was for only 5 minutes. I made myself go on holiday (enough with the eye roles people, I know how it sounds! But seriously, it was hard for me) I made myself go on the bus and on the train. Eventually the more I exposed myself to these things, the more they felt normal and after a few years (sorry its not a quick fix) I began to feel as though I could do all of these things without having to go in to blind panic mode. Don't get me wrong every now and again I will still have moments that I cant control, but I have learnt that when it happens, I just have to let it happen. If I try to stop it, its like my mind says 'oh really?!?' and it gets 100% worse and then I just end up being a complete mess for hours.
At 25 I still have moments I cant control but I am no longer ashamed of it. Anxiety is something that every human being will experience. We just all have different levels of what we can handle and that is okay! The more we act like struggling with anxiety is something that you need to be embarrassed of, the worse people's anxiety will get! I now go on holiday, planes are still a struggle, but I do it! I go out with friends, I go out and meet new people, and I am so much happier for it. (Insert proof of one of the mentioned holidays :)!)
I feel like this is more of a rant than anything else...apologies...but I just wish people could feel confident enough to talk to people when they are struggling...it would help stop a lot of bad things from happening to people who just needed a shoulder to cry on and some advice. I am lucky enough to have help from a lot of different people, whether they be professional's, friends or family, having someone to listen to your problems and help you with them is the best thing for someone with anxiety.
So to round this up no, I cannot just calm down, unfortunately my brain doesn't work like that. You never know what is happening to someone behind closed doors. If you see people struggling, be there for them, even if they just need you to sit there with them without saying anything until it has passed.
It's nice to be nice to people. You never know how much it could change someone's day.
Speak soon
C x
0 comments